One Copy thunderbolt, comin’ right up.

Copywriting so bold it whets appetites… and pants.

Say Whaaaa’?

**Ohhhh yes, you future wonder of the web.**
Doesn’t matter if everything you’ve written up until now reads like TV static.
Or you’re a damn good writer who can’t stomach self-promo.
Or you’re Don Draper… who needs nothing but wants everything.
**(Impressive, btw.)**
I’m here to help you…
(scroll for it…)

Write words that sizzle. (And bring home the bacon.)
If you’d rather chew glass than write—or rewrite—your bio/email/website cause you suspect it’ll read a little *too* ‘corporate operations manual’…
…there’s a fix for that:

Clever, contagious, cash-bringing copy.

And oh, baby.

We’re about to turn you into a bona fide word brunch. (Rich with flavour and eternally in demand. The kind people queue 3 hours on a Sunday for.)

Right this way.

This copy isn’t (JUST)
About conversions

You know the difference between a successful sale and a successful brand?

Having customers who give a (real) shit about you.

Not because you’re “all that” (which you are, obvs), or you promised them 7-figures in 7 months (gag me, pls), but because you didn’t treat ‘em like a cash piñata.

You EARNED their respect.

See, the job of the best copy isn’t to sell more (sorry, David Ogilvy)… it’s to be so good it makes selling SUPERFLUOUS.*

And if you want your clients screaming “HELL, I’D TRUST YOU WITH MY FIRST BORN” (or thinking it) before they even lay eyes on you…

You need words that do you justice.

I’ll help you write ‘em.

*h/t to Peter Drucker for that zinger of a line.

Your creative Copy Muse is in:

Need A Brilliant, Ballsy, “Buy Me!” Name For Your Course, Biz, Podcast or Firstborn?

Get my Eyeball-Cement-In-A-Name Potion. I’ll reach into your noggin’, pluck the perfect name from the fog of your dreams, and serve it up on a silver platter. You get to keep it, kiss it, shout it from the rooftops and watch clients fangirl over you forever and ever, Amen.

Fangirls, incoming.

Got Copy That Feels Crusty Like A Rug From A 70s Love Den? (Ew.)

Book my brain on it. I’ll hoover the boring, stiff, totally-not-you bits right out, and usher in a flood of linguistic thirst-traps your clients will happily fly right into. (No clients will be anything less than charmed in the buying of your products… or the reading of your copy. Scout’s honour.)

“Lay the word bait, Biatch.”

Itching To DIY Some God-Level Wordsmithing And Make Your Own Damn Cheese?

Why, I have just the ticket for you. Or, course, rather. Imbued with the wisdom of words that have made people snort, cry, and buy, this profit-getting puppy lets you download my writing genius and infuse it right into your website. Wanna think like a copy god? (Of course you do, duh.) Buy this.

Part the seas with your words.